OBITUARY—Today We Mourn The Passing Of An Old Friend, By The Name Of Small Business.

Obituary to Small Business

Small Business lived a long life but died in the United States from heart failure, on the brink of the 2010 economic recovery. No one really knows how old she was, since her birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

photo credit: dsb nola

She selflessly devoted her life to service in restaurants, retail stores, food marts, landscaping services, helping people find jobs without fanfare and foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Small Business. She was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know that cash flow is king, why the customer is always right, and that banks never play fair.

Small Business lived by simple, sound business practices (cash inflow must always be greater than cash outflow), reliable time-tested marketing strategies (the customers are in charge, not the business), and it is O.K. to care about your employees.

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Small Business survived cultural and educational trends, including body piercing, whole language, and “new math.” But her health declined when she became infected with the “If-it-generates-large-number-of-jobs-the city-thinks-it’s-worth-it” virus.

In recent decades her waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well-intentioned but overbearing city and state regulations.

She watched in pain as good enterprises became ravaged by selfseeking lawyers. Her health rapidly deteriorated when government endlessly implemented help-wall-street policies.

Reports of a business-owner charged with employee abuse for reprimanding an employee who insulted a customer and an employee arrested for looking like a Mexican only worsened her condition.

It declined even further when businesses had to get government consent to administer aspirin to employees but could not ask employees if they were ill and needed to stay home.

Finally, Small Business lost her will to live as the US Contitution became contraband, churches began burning Korans, states started passing laws targeting citizens based on their skin color, and Federal judges stuck their noses into everything from marriages to professional sports. Finally, when a woman, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a hugh settlement, Small Business saw the writing on the wall and threw in the towel.

As the end neared, Small Business drifted in and out of dementia but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations such as those for incandescent bulbs, wind turbines and solar panels.

Small Business was preceded in death by her parents, Marketing and Sales; her husband, Planning; her daughter, Financial Analysis; and her son, Operations. She is survived by two step-brothers, Big Business and Ima BigBank.

Not many attended her funeral because so few realized she was gone.

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